I’m in a happy marriage. I’m lucky and I feel lucky. This is our 35th year. It’s a big deal. It’s super fun being in a happy marriage. I’m really glad I’m married to Jeff. It’s easy. I have 3 secrets about us I want to share. Three things that make this marriage a happy one.
Secret #1. We meet our own needs. I meet mine. Jeff meets his. We were taught and counseled way back when we were first married that he needed to learn what my needs are so he could meet them and I needed to learn what his needs are so I could meet them. It was terrible advice. It didn’t work. It doesn’t work. What it did do was set us both up for a lot of disappointment and resentment and manipulation. We could never get it right. Jeff does not need to try to figure out how to make me happy. It’s impossible. He can’t. I’m the only one who knows what my needs and wants are and I’m the only one who can meet them. It’s 100% my job and I do it beautifully. I’m so happy. He’s completely off the hook. He can make himself happy if he wants to be. That’s up to him. My only expectation of Jeff is to be here so I can love him. And that’s easy.
Secret #2. We have fun together. We’re friends. We like to laugh and be silly. We like to hold hands. We love to go out to dinner in the late afternoon and we love to go to the beach on Fridays and we love to ride our bikes around our neighborhood. It’s just fun being married and having someone to have fun with. He makes me laugh. He’s funny. He’s really good at impersonations and remembering funny stories. He sends me funny texts and he has really fun ideas. We love to sit side-by-side and stare at Goldie and talk about all the sweet things she does and how cute she is and how much joy she brings us. We like to be with our kids and hang out together. It’s all really fun. We have fun being married. It’s important and it’s easy.
Secret #3. We look for the best. We look for reasons to be in love. Of course us humans are very good at finding what we look for and so we intentionally look for the best in each other. It’s not hard. There’s a lot of good stuff hiding in both of us. I like noticing his best. The more I notice, the more I find. I find evidence all the time that he is incredible because that’s what I want to find. He’s kind. He’s smart. He’s simple and easy. He’s predictable and reliable. He’s cute. He’s not controlling. He challenges himself. He’s humble. He has the prettiest blue eyes. He’s a badass at his job. I have trained my brain to think about the things I really love about Jeff. My brain thinks those thoughts automatically now. I like the way those thoughts make me feel. I like feeling love & admiration for him. I like looking for his best. I find so much. He keeps getting better. We keep getting better. Looking for the best is easy.
Those are three of my secrets for today. Marriage doesn’t have to be complicated if we don’t want it to be. It can be easy and fun if we just let it be because it’s our story and we get to tell it anyway we want to.